Ever had the feeling that you just can't get anything accomplished? No matter what you do, how hard you try, every trick you pull, nothing helps. Two steps forward, three steps back. Yeah, well that's where I am at right now. I sometimes just want to say screw it all, just through up my hands and yell I quit. I'm done that's it. Then I bang my head against the wall and knock some sense back into myself and start all over. "This to shall pass".... I try to keep telling myself that. But holy hell, it needs to speed the hell up. My house is a wreck, it looks like these storms have blown through my house. Yes I know with 5 punks it shouldn't look like that. But to my disadvantage, I have a hard time telling them to do this or that. Yes they should be doing some. But at the same time, I can't get it out of my head that I'm the mom and that's my job to do. Also, it's not done the way I would do it so I end up redoing it a lot of the times anyway. But I get so freaking frustrated that nothing gets done. I can say that the dishes are done. But walk around the corner and you will see the mountain of clothes strewn all over the floor that needs to be folded. I washed them, dried them, then threw them there and stopped. Yeah, I suck at this. Sure if I had all day to clean (without interruptions) it would get done. But by the next day it would all be undone. It's been proven. No one likes to keep cleaning on a daily basis. Everyone it too good for that. Just pick your shit up and that would help a lot. Sitting back and saying this room is a mess doesn't help. Saying I need to do this or that doesn't help. I feel like a failure as a wife and mom. I see the outcome of my actions, but for some reason have the inability to change it. Was it the way I was raised? Is it just me? Does my past have something to do with it? I dunno. I'll figure it out someday, just hopefully it's not a day late.
3 months ago